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A range of studies shows that sexual satisfaction correlates strongly with marital satisfaction and long-term relationship success says Hodson

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"A range of studies shows that sexual satisfaction correlates strongly with marital satisfaction and long-term relationship success," says Hodson. "But the same is not true of sexual frequency; having regular sex does not correlate strongly with marital satisfaction. Over the longer term, what matters is to have quality sex." His key sexual compatibility test relates to both partners' sexual history. Men especially rate equivalent sexual experience as a major compatibility issue.But does any of this necessarily spell the end of your relationship? The key test appears to be the praise/blame ratio, devised by the psychologist Dr John Gottman, the author of Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. He says the relationship will survive if the ratio is five praises to each blame.

In his study of 52 married couples, he was able to predict divorce or marital stability with around 94 per cent accuracy. How we respond to our partner's bids for emotional connection is crucial. A bid can be a question, a touch,any single expression that says, "I want to feel connected to you." Gottman's research showed husbands who were eventually divorced ignored bids from their wives 82 per cent of the time; men in stable relationships ignored them only 19 per cent of the time.Dr Gottman discovered other ways to make a marriage last: set high standards right from the beginning - don't allow yourself to be treated like a doormat; be careful how you start a discussion - women often escalate a conflict by making dramatic remarks; and edit yourself - couples who avoided voicing every angry thought were the happiest. And husbands should be open to influence: "Marriages that worked well had one thing in common - the willingness of the husband to give way to the wife."But longevity in a relationship isn't everything. "Just because couples stay together for years, it doesn't mean they're happy," Suzie Hayman points out "But they know where they are.

Separating or going to see a relationship counsellor is the unknown, and we are all afraid of the unknown." When you consider that 93 per cent of clients say that coming to Relate helped them sort out their problems, though, you wonder why most couples still seem to choose separation.MAKING THE PERFECT MATCHMeasure those fingersThe length of each partner's middle finger should have the same relationship to the average. So if one partner has a shorter-than-average middle finger, so should the other. (The average length for men is 9.3cm, and for women 8cm).Read the signsIf your bids for affection are more often than not ignored, your relationship could well be in trouble.Share expectationsIt's not how much sex you have, it's how much you expect. Even a celibate couple can be"sexually compatible" if the choice is genuinely mutual.No blame, no painThe real clue as to whether or not the relationship is in trouble is how much one partner blames the other, and how much praise they get in return.

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