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I genuinely think that these days you are much less likely to be greeted by judgmental and disapproving colleagues and employers when you

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"I genuinely think that these days you are much less likely to be greeted by judgmental and disapproving colleagues and employers when you return to your place of work. And that is the rub; we find it hard to gauge when we're living with unacceptable levels of stress because what is unacceptable varies so much from person to person. What fuels performance for one can be crippling for another.Reassuringly, stress specialist Malcolm Vandenburg says that The Positive Under Pressure programme that he runs along with psychotherapist Gael Lindenfield employs "preventive mentoring or psychiatry that can immunise you against immobilising stress. "The bleakest times come earlier when you're still fighting, when you feel there's no way out, when you're convinced that it's impossible to do anything other than continue with the situation you're in Ironically the `braver' you are, the worse it makes it. The really brave thing to do is stop and sort it out, but I couldn't."Andrew let things go too far, partly because he had a sneaking suspicion that it was his problem, that he was weak and unable to cope where others could.

We called the doctor and I was signed off work and put on antidepressants which didn't actually help, although they did make me think `That's it, I'm mad now, this has got to stop.' When I went back to work I handed in my notice."Looking back now, Andrew says that bottoming out and breaking down was not actually the worst of it. Then one morning, having lived through months of torment, he woke up at three as usual and "my body was in spasm, my fists were gripped, everything was gripped and I literally physically couldn't move. I hadn't understood until then how women did it."Lucy remembers him ringing her from the car and saying that he felt like just putting his foot down and ending it all. I found myself bursting in to tears on occasion - once, towards the end, I cried for an hour solid. "My mind was constantly whirring and my stomach was in knots so that I was unable to eat. "I remember being on holiday and Andrew's mobile ringing - he always had to be available. He couldn't get a reception and I got in to as much of a state about it as him.

We didn't want to face the fact that the job wasn't working because we needed the money and felt trapped. It was a dreadful time."That went on getting progressively worse. Andrew started waking at 3am and staying awake until he got up for work. He flew off the handle about the slightest thing and felt sick all the time. Largely people still feel they lack choices and are at the mercy of employers."Eventually even Andrew's wife Lucy lived in fear of his boss and started taking on anxiety about his work. "Most people still accept insecurity at work as part of the `new deal'; that is shorter contracts and longer hours. There are indications that attitudes are changing because unemployment is down and the economy is booming, but it's early days.

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