logo

It was a bit of a worry what to feature on this week's page

Posted by admin   ·     ·   Jump to comments

It was a bit of a worry, what to feature on this week's page. Mindful that we would all be a little too full of Christmas fayre, I didn't want to have lots of tight clothes that would make you all feel guilty about having eaten so much...And what could be more comforting than...bed clothes and bed jackets. What happened to bed jackets? Bring back these glorious items of clothing I say, they are so glamorously tacky, and remind me of saucy, gin-soaked sea side land ladies. You'll notice that, after about half an hour's play, the films start to seem really funny.(Warning: a combination of Carry On Up The Jungle and number seven is potentially fatal.)Enjoy!You must take a drink any time that ...1 Sid James gets his hands on a woman2 A woman is angry with Sid James3 A potential snog is interrupted4 Hattie Jacques tries to seduce Kenneth Williams5 Kenneth Williams says: "Stop messing about!"6 Kenneth Williams says: "Ooh!"7 Frankie Howerd says: "Ooh!"8 Anyone says: "Phwooar!"9 Anyone says: "Saucy!"10 Anyone says the words "carry on"11 Anyone says "matron"12 Hattie Jacques scolds someone13 Joan Sims scolds someone14 Barbara Windsor giggles15 Sid James cackles16 Kenneth Williams guffaws toothily17 Jim Dale rips off a woman's clothing18 Jim Dale destroys property19 Jim Dale falls over20 a character is addressed by the actor's first nameAnd you must drink whenever you hear ...21 a "boing" sound-effect22 a honking sound-effect23 a joke about trade unions24 a toilet joke25 a breast innuendo26 a bottom innuendo27 a penis innuendo28 the euphemism "it"29 a character's name which is a punYou must take further drink any time you see ...30 a man's underwear31 a woman's underwear (two swigs if it belongs to Barbara Windsor)32 a naked man33 a naked woman34 a visual joke featuring a phallic symbol35 a speeded-up segment of filmAnd any time there is a scene in which ...36 a future sitcom/light-entertainment star appears (not one of the main Carry On team)37 a future soap/drama star appears (not one of the main Carry On team)38 Bernard Bresslaw is dressed as an ethnic minority39 a man gets dressed up as a woman40 a woman gets dressed up as a man.Coming soon (possibly) ... Ideally, it should be saucy and fruity, and should contain melons.

Oh, and it should be cripplingly alcoholic.A video of a Carry On film - or preferably several, so you can swap between them during the game.Instructions: Printed below is a numbered list of more or less everything that happens in a Carry On film. Randomly distribute the numbers among your guests, so that everyone is assigned several Carry On incidents.(If you're particularly popular, you may have to double up the numbers, so no one is left short.)Put on the video(s). Every time one of the listed incidents occurs onscreen, the person(s) with the appropriate number must take a swig of the cocktail. It's called Carry On Drinking, and I have to ask, with all humility, which other Sunday newspaper would offer you such a treat? You will need:Your own Carry On cocktail. And if you manage to spot that the entire work is made up of just five basic ballet steps, repeated, inverted, reversed, then good for you.Royal Festival Hall, SE1 (0171 960 4242) to 3 Jan.. New Year's Eve is nearly here, which is as good a flimsy pretext as any to present the complete rules of a brand-new party game, guaranteed to make everyone else's festivities look rubbish. Two girls do a cheery peg-doll walk on the tips of their toes.

A fur-clad couple dance a dreamy love duet (too bad something went wrong here - she was giving him looks fit to freeze his face). A perky bell-boy does a Fred Astaire and nearly twizzles a hole in the ice In short, they don't make 'em like this any more. It's a good match, because although Patineurs doesn't make concessions to a junior audience, it again displays Ashton's delight in adapting non-dance movement to classical steps: in this case, imitating the movements of skaters on ice.The illusion is so perfect, you'd think the Festival Hall had laid on a special slippery floor. Her search for that convenient, dry nesting place is a brilliant piece of comic ballet mime, as she preens and fusses and waggles her tail-feathers before setting down her sagging rear with a satisfied whump. In the "Tale of Pigling Bland", the decision to put all the male pigs on pointe at a stroke turns feet into trotters.

readers comments

Comments are closed.

NBA

NBA

MLB

MLB

NFL

NFL

NHL

NHL

WWE

WWE

Your sideblock text goes here